Chaotic Affection
by romanceatlast
Summary: Man I hated that guy, well at least, I always thought I did. Making jokes about my height, potraying himself so cold and distant,I think that's why we never got along. I had so many reasons to hate him, I had no reason to like him...


Choatic Affection

Man I hated that guy, well at least, I always thought I did. Making jokes about my height, potraying himself so cold and distant,I think that's why we never got along. I had so many reasons to hate him, I had no reason to like him, and I had a million reasons why I loved him.

It all started 2 weeks ago, I remember it being a Tuesday, though I never really kept track of dates. But that might have been my lack of a calander,but one can never say. Now things like that don't matter, time has made all those problems obsolete.After all thats passed, after I got everything I always feared and yearned for most, nothing else means anything.

"You really should drink your milk you know, makes for healthy bones and teeth!" He said with a smirk as he walked down the hall. I of course would never resort to being so petty, so I said nothing in reponse. I would ambush him later in his office. I guess I could never rap my mind around my feelings back then, I suppose I used to suppress alot of things.But I'm a different person now, and so is he. He never showed he cared, he was never was fazed by my remarks. That was more painful than I let on, and it seemed turned me numb towards him.

I was childish I assume, saying and doing things just to get on his bad side, always making attempts to catching him in lies, or belittleing his athourity.

I never saw it for what it was, all I could see was what was in front of my face, I couldn't see the love that was trying to push through. Like a kindergardener pulling at a little girl's pigtails, all I wanted was to get close to him the only way I knew how.

I took a walk that night to clear my head, wondering the streets, not taking notice of the things around me. Just listening to the beat of my footsteps and watching my shadow dance below the street lights. I don't remember when it started to rain exactly, I suppose I was lost in my thoughts,only when I finally took notice to the shivers running me up and down did I realise I was lost. The only familiar thing in my sights sent flutters of relief and then annoyance down my spine.

He was sitting there in a chair by the window, eyes closed, legs crossed laughing to himself. I stood in the door way sopping wet, frozen but not from the cold. The way the light from the fireplace draped over him and the way he held his glass, I was struck by it. Struck by his overwhelmingly handsome features, and his thraoty laugh. And then, as if I was a 5 year old on the playground, the words spilled from my lips.

"What are YOU laughing about?" I sneared. He wipped around and his eyes landed on me, he looked me up and down said, "What are you doing here?"

I explained how I got sidetracked and alittle lost, and that it was raining and I was of course cold, and I sat myself in front of the fireplace that had only moments ago painted this man with my love.

"I see," he said, sounding smug, "well, you might as well get those wet clothes of Fullmetal. I'll get you somthing to throw on." and with that he walked swiftly from the room.

I suppose that was the night I realised it, the night it all fell into place. I knew,at that moment, watching him sip his brandy and smile, that this was the man who had a firm grip on my heart. With all his cracks at my expense, and all the things he never said. He had me, forever:

She came to visit that weekend, I did always have a fondness for Winry, though it hardly seemed to matter now.

"And who did you say you where?" he said, detatched, as we stood in his office. "Winry," she said as she shook his hand.

I suppose now that I think back, he seemed somwhat irritated, but I didn't take notice. I couldn't even look at his face. After all the casualties were exchanged we decided to go to dinner ,as a celebration of her arrival, though I wasn't quite up to it, I joined her.

"Would you like to join us Colonel?" She asked in a chirpy tone. He declined poliely, and inside I shuddered. Dejected by his callous attempt at declining our offer I suppose I got annoyed. "GOOD, I wouldn't want you there anyway!" I yelled after him as he turned to leave. He chuckled and closed the door, and I regreted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

My heart was thumping the whole night making me feel like I might jump out of my skin. But Winry took no notice, having the time of her life, drinking and laughing. I tried to look as though I was happy to see her, but all I could think about was the last thing I had said. _I wouldn't want you there anyways_, no 6 words I could think of could be more untrue.

By the end of the night I was exhausted from all the thoughts swirling in my mind, and all I wanted was to go home and curl into myself and cry, though I would never admit it. Winry walked me half way home and turned off to her hotel and as I walked the rest of the way home I was in a daze. Walking straight ahead was all I could do to stop myself from going insane. As I stopped at a crosswalk I could hear footsteps coming up beside me, I glanced over and what I saw then snatched me right out of my dreamland.

"Ed, what are you doing out this late?" Mustang slurred out at me, though taken aback by his kind face all I could do was react as normal, "What's it to you Mustang?" I said with all the attitude I could muster towards this man.

"Just worried about your saftey Fullemetal." He managed to say as he fell forwards onto my shoulder. I can remember, as if engraved into my memory, how it felt to have him touch me. I could barely breathe, and my head began to revert into it's hazey state.

"Look Mustang," I managed to sputter, "I need to get home, are you going to call a cab, or am I just gunna have to drop and leave you here?"

I could see him passing out on my shoulder as I spoke, I was releaved because I was sure my face was bright red. "Shut up Fullmetal," he said his eyes now completely closed and his words almost impossible to hear, "I didn't come here to ruin your night."

"Then what DID you come here for exactly," I said crushed by his harsh tone.

The things he said next made almost no sence, and the chop logic he strung together in his drunken fog seemed almost like a joke. The words he spued that night, I choose not to remember, but the way I felt I can never forget. Stunned, irritated, and overwhelmingly depressed. Was this some kind of prank? All I could think of was to run, run from his words that made my heart stop, run from his drunken game that made passion rise in my veins. And as I ran, it rained, and as it rained, I cried.

I didn't show up for work, I didn't leave my house, I just stared at my four walls and tried to stop thinking, tried to stop breathing and tried not to cry. I didn't want him to see me this way, I didn't want him to laugh at me, tell me it was all a drunken dare. I couldn't let him see me so weak, knowing my feelings where meaningless to him. That is, until I started to grow bitter about the whole thing, who did he think he was saying those things to me and then just letting me walk away. He wasn't going to get away with it:

I swung the door open to reveal him sitting in his desk, I advanced on him in a rage, "Did you think you could just say all those things and get away with it Mustang?" I demanded. He wouldn't look at me as I moved closer.

"No, I didn't, but I also thought you where never coming back." he said in a hushed voice. And then I thought to myself, why was I here, what was all this going to accomplish, even more laughter at my expence? I couldn't bare to imagine what he thought of me. But I also couldn't bare to silence myself any longer. It killed me, seeing him everyday, so carfree. Me, shattering inside everytime he glanced in my direction.

"I wasn't going to," I paused while tears welled up in my eyes, "I wasn't going to...I didn't want you too see me cry." After that all I could feel was my soul quiver as I was submerged in his arms.

"Edward? Please Edward, don't cry. I can't bare to witness it." he said his voice wavering. I could barely hear him anymore, my head was swimming as I struggled to gather myself. Then it all came back, and I remembered once again what this man had done.

"BECAUSE YOUR A LIAR MUSTANG!" I snapped, as I attempted to free myself from his grasp. He tightened his hold on me as I struggled, "You're...you're a liar," I said as my thoughts began to slip away in his hands, "You don't really love me. Do you?" I said into his neck. His smell, the way he felt, it was everything I wanted, and everything I thought I could never have. And with that thought the tears ran once again down my face.

The words that echoed in my ear this time, where nothing like what I had heard that night on the street corner. "I do Edward, I love you more than you'll ever know," he hugged me too him and as much as I wanted to I couldn't stop the tears from falling. But in those tears was not sadness, it was love, passion and devotion to this man who meant more to me than I could ever tell. "I love you Fullmetal." Was all that rang in my ears, and they where the only words that meant anything at all to me. If I had died right then my soul would have been complete.

He leaned back then and looked into my eyes, but I could barely see, though I could feel him look at me all I could do was gaze at him with my misty stare in his direction. As one more tear fell to my face, he put his finger to my cheek, and then to his lips. Then without any words, he brought me close and kissed me, and I kissed him back, because he was everything to me now. And at that moment, in that kiss, I could feel his love ripple through my body.


End file.
